Call Me:
I am speech and hearing impaired. All my life, I have heard people mouth “deaf and dumb,” when they are explaining my condition to each other. In the middle of large gatherings, I sit and smile, staring ahead. Some times I cannot be bothered to pay attention to the people everywhere around me. That is when I use my impairment as an invisibility cloak. When I was very young and my mother would get upset with me, she would often yell loudly. I could make some of her words out, and when it got too much, I would simply switch my hearing aid off. It was better to exist inside of that silence, than to have to engage with the chatter of a world that I have never been able to understand, and which, it seems, will always just pass me by. Deaf and dumb. That’s what they call me. Appropriately dressed ladies, their legs crossed at weddings and dinner parties my parents force me along to a couple of times a month; they all seem so educated looking. So dignified. And as they introduce me to one another, invariably they will warn each other of my impairment in the most offensive choice words. I don’t mind them telling each other I can’t hear very well; it has been the disclaimer to my life. But they wouldn’t say, “This is Shaheen, she’s miserably dull.” Or, “This is Barbara, she’s a bit of a drunk.” Why must I be talked of with my limitations on show every day, in this most undignified way? More and more, the manner in which I am presented to people disappoints me. We’ve moved forward into a different world, I hope. And still, here in this city, we tolerate the distasteful, insensitive talk of people because nobody tells them off. I wish I could tell them off. I wish I could just sign them all into shame. I’ve tried to throw a silent tantrum, and realised it doesn’t really matter. So here I am, to say what I need to say: I hold two degrees in economics, I play the piano, I teach sign language, I have excellent brownie baking skills and I love to travel. Nothing I am, is dumb. No part of me is less than you. No part of me yearns to be like you. I can live with people not being able to understand my difference, but perhaps it is not asking for too much, to expect a bit of decency. I can perfectly understand you, see you, read your lips and your eyes. I’m not blind to any of the world. I only choose some times, not to participate. Some times, because I’m plain lazy. Some times, because I am utterly uninterested. Never because I’m too stupid.
Often, I see people mouth the word ‘retarded.’ This is inconceivable to me. How do people, who claim to have seen the world, who claim to be part of a conscious world, get away with saying these things? Everybody: people with autism, speech impairments, hearing impairments, epilepsy, ADD, a chronic dislike for academia... is ‘retarded.’ That is as bad as pointing to somebody and yelling, “Aids!” or “Multiple sclerosis!” Why is it acceptable to call people dumb, or retarded? It isn’t even about being politically correct. It’s just civil. It’s just asking for a bit of decency. Perhaps, in some ways, I am completely ignorant of the universe inhabited by most people who can hear and speak normally. And I suppose in that way, you could say I am kind of dumb about the things other people find important. But I assure you, my heart, my feelings, are anything but.
Be kind.
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