MARIAM DOGAR
Takayuki Yamaguchi has said, “No matter how pathetic or pitiful every human is fated to have one moment in his life in which he can change his destiny.” Pakistani women have lost many such chances and still intend to trot the same path. Women’s rights in Pakistan are constantly declining and have never been on the top most agenda of any government. Sadly, woman herself seems responsible for this.
 There is in an increase in domestic abuse in Pakistan over the past years, and not a single effective national policy has been formulated to check it. The question is why we have nosedived even further regarding women’s rights despite so much stress.
Women’s rights have become a buzz word for celebrities, politicians, human rights activists and socialites who make a queue and seem desperate for spotlight. Newspapers and television channels are specked with programmes aiming at highlighting the debauched conditions of women in Pakistan. Each of them goes at length to describe rights of women in detail and they have been doing so for so many past years. Even then all this has ended up as nothing more than a futile tête-à-tête.
Woman has the power of the womb. She gives birth to a child, nurses and teaches him/her. Hence a child’s personality is developed largely upon her shoulders. It is not beyond common sense to understand that the patriarchal mindset in a person is instilled by none other than his/her own mother.
In a similar fashion, she makes her own daughters timid and drums in the inferiority of her fellow race. Why to go far? The picture is perfectly set right here at our own house.
“Hey! Did you iron your brother’s shirt? Give him his food. Did you pack his clothes? How dare you talk back to your brother? For how many times should I to tell you mard-zaat (male) is supposed to be like this?”
The question is who set the privileges for the mard-zaat anyway? Well who else would? Of course, our own mothers. There is a long list of dos and don’ts which are supposed to be followed if a girl has to gain a strong foothold in her in-laws. Apparently, the famous Urdu idiom “orat hi orat ki sab say bari dushman hai” (a woman is the greatest enemy of her fellow woman) applies perfectly here. A woman strictly instructs her daughter not to demand property rights from her brothers, and even if they offer her anything, she should turn it down humbly. In the same way, if the couple is unable to have a child, it is always her fault. Never dare to point at her husband’s impotency! She should neither question her husband’s source of income nor should she answer him back. Her children’s school is her husband’s choice, so is the family in which they are married. A woman is naive, stupid and incompetent, so she is better off doing domestic chores only.
It is also important to highlight the role of the “Hitler mother-in-law” here. She demands complete subjugation of her daughter-in-law. She is expected to cook, clean, raise her children, look after and meet the demands of her in-laws, and husband, without even a single utterance of protest; a slave in mild terms. Women seem to have a considerable influence upon her sons in their marital affairs. In a typical Pakistani household, she dictates their lives. This is her power, the power bestowed upon her by the intimate connection of the umbilical cord which binds her children to her. Unfortunately, this is channeled towards other useless purposes, often towards the destruction of the rights of other women. She encourages her son to control his wife, push her to a corner and scratch her eyes out even on the slightest “meow”.
So the cycle goes on.
So, it is time we stop chanting the typical mantra of women’s rights and create a new one. It has been more than the propaganda of women’s rights in the western media to gain what they have today. Their women trained their children in that way they knew better than chanting slogans only. Loiuse Weiss devoted her entire life to get woman suffrage in France, once even getting herself tied to a street lamp; a very humiliating act. It was after numerous unsuccessful attempts that she gained what she aspired for.  Another example is from none other than our own country, that of Tehmina Durrani. She is an apt portrayal of women’s self-denial until sense finally made its way into her and she refused to be the scapegoat anymore. For 15 years she suffered domestic abuse in the name of her children before she realised it was better to be free and bring up her children rather than remaining in chains for the rest of her life.
One cannot deny the strong hold of man, but women are equally responsible for it. Awareness programmes and schemes are needed for women empowerment on socio-political level, but they definitely need a review. To make them aware of their rights is the old news, to prepare them for it is something new and far more difficult. It is important that mothers in particular are educated.
From individual efforts, like educated daughters trying to convince their mothers, to combined ones, nationwide awareness programmes are required. The target should be the uneducated masses that form a larger proportion of Pakistan’s population rather than the educated lot. For that, publishing articles in newspapers and pamphlets will not suffice. Door-to-door campaigns must be launched. NGOS working for women’s rights can reallocate their money to meet the expenses. More importantly, the government should encourage women to file complaints against domestic abuse rather than facing pain for eternity.
It must be women’s target to move from second-class citizens to first class. Solely blaming men for the plight of women in Pakistan is not justified and will not lead us to success. By the original identification of the problem we might even get the support of the men of our society as they will realise seriousness of the issue. As the ground realities become clearer, a person gets better equipped to fight for the rights. So it is to better start fighting our moles first before fighting the external enemies.