It has been recently suggested to the medical community to conduct extensive research on a new virus being hailed by all and sundry (read emancipated and not) as ‘Heil Fuhrer NFP’. It has been noticed that this particular strain causes intense emotional and psychological aberrations in the human brain, causing symptoms ranging anywhere in between ecstatic release of anarchist liberalism to instant fatalistic ‘fatwanism’, both extremes being unanimously agreed as being highly-destructive and counterproductive by SEMRA (Supremacy of Electronic Media Research Association) and YUCS (Yahoos for Universal Corporate Sponsorships).
The first advancement in this field was made when the link between HFNFP1 and PPP (Progressive Prosperity Paralysis) was discovered. Although direct link was not established, DNA sampling clearly showed paternal evolution. Hence, it has been hypothesised that this link may be the cause for rather a more severe attack of symptoms on subjects having ‘B-positive’ blood groups and, more specifically, the strain IK in their genes.
Not only does HFNFP1 render these subjects susceptible to extreme anger, hurt and belligerence, it also makes them take offence at random phrases such as camels, bushy warlords, establishment, mandates, tsunami flushing systems, to name a few. Proponents of the IK strain vociferously denounce the HFNFP1 on grounds of septic mushrooming of myopic cynicism to the point of possible infestation of such carcinogenic wastes, as RUSH-DIES in its evolutionary cycle.
On the other hand, subjects fortunate enough to have a higher tolerance for HFNFP1 and thereby able to avoid the more base reactions to this virus, find themselves enthralled by this disease, which seems to stimulate a perceived state of higher intellectualism (not to be confused with any definition of ‘isms’ in the history of HFNFP1, especially not ‘Bhuttoism’). These subjects are prone to scoff at the other end of the experimental spectrum of HFNFP1 infected subjects and term them as, well…….dumb. No evidence has been provided to support this argument.
This category, henceforth mentioned as the liberated Fundos, find extreme satisfaction in various side effects of the virus, namely stimulation; which many accredit to the initial symptom of the virus more commonly known as ‘the arousal’. However, it has been established that the nature of ‘the arousal’ symptom has been misunderstood by most in (ahem) quite another direction. Furthermore, the deplorable dependence of this group on prescription strength (not) narcotics for their desired enlightenment is a serious cause for concern.
In conclusion, one cannot ignore this highly reclusive, often misunderstood, readily denounced virus. Whether the medical fraternity will discover a more symbiotic link between HFNFP1 and humanity or deem it as fatalistic to human growth and development remains to be seen. In the meantime, HFNFP1 has enough gumption to land itself, not only dedicated webpages on renowned websites such as Wikipedia (highly recommended for the complete understanding of this narrative), but also entire websites. So, encompassing all connotations in the phrase (obvious and otherwise) here’s to ‘Heil Fuhrer NFP’!
n The writer is a freelance columnist.