Modi baffles scientists

Scientists in Pakistan are baffled by India’s aggressive posturing towards the Islamic republic ever since the conservative Hindu politician Narendra Modi arrived in New Delhi as the new prime minister earlier this year.
The hawkish mood of the right-wing government of their nuclear arch-rival India negates the earlier findings of Pakistani researchers that Hindus are not capable of aggression because they do not eat meat.
“We are shocked,” said Bahadur Khan, spokesman at the Islamabad Center for Science and Society, which has carried out a number of studies over several decades to explain why India is more inclined towards trade and diplomacy and has not produced any good fast bowlers in cricket. “Modi’s behavior is startling because it diverges sharply from the scientific norms. So far, we had found that a lack of meat-based food sources and a lack of courage and bravery were correlated. There is also ample genetic evidence that shows Hindus are not a martial race.”
The theory is corroborated by the history of the subcontinent according to Abdul Rahman Chughtai, a professor at the Department of History at Orientialist College in Lahore, who rose to fame with his book ‘Conquests of Delhi – History and Future’ published this year. “If you read history, you can see how a single Muslim invader attacked and razed one Hindu temple at least 17 times, if not more,” explains Chughtai. “Compare that with the grand total of one great mosque that Hindu militants have been able to raze only once recently. There is no match.”
Critics of his theory say a militant Hindu belonging to the same right-wing group as Modi attacked and killed Mahatma Gandhi, who was on his way to a prayer meeting. Chughtai rubbishes the criticism. “There is no comparison,” he argues. “Anyone could kill Gandhi. He was a pacifist, and even if he would begin to question his philosophy in a spur-of-the-moment fight, he was too weak to defend himself. There is no similarity between Gandhi’s killing and the acts of Modi, who kills innocent and peace-loving, yet meat-eating and genetically superior Muslims.”
But there are many in Pakistan who question these assumptions. They argue that Narendra Modi’s politics are paradigm-changing. In order to gauge public sentiment on the issue, this scribe spoke to a number of citizens.
“Wait, what? Hindus don’t eat pork?” asked a software engineer. “That is surprising. I had always had a feeling that they did. This new information completely changes the way I look at this whole problem. Do they drink liquor and do other things that are haram?”
“I had always thought if we would become vegetarians, the world would become a better place,” said a college student. “You have given me something new to think about.” He said the good thing about being a vegetarian was that one could protest against the livestock industry for the damage they cause to our environment and the unacceptable conditions and practices involved in the business, but the down side was that one could not protest against the agriculture industry for the damage they cause to our environment and the unacceptable conditions and practices involved in the business.
On the other side of the border, Indian scientists have questioned the notion that aggressive behavior and religious extremism is linked to diet or genetics. They have come up with several different explanations for their prime minister’s political views and practices.
“We are positive that Narendra Modi played violent video games when he was a child,” the New Delhi Institute for New Media said in a press release. The statement came with advice for parents who do not want their children to grow up and be like him. Key among them was to forbid video games about war and fighting, and cultivate a habit of reading literary classics such as Mahabharta and Game of Thrones.
A professor from the Center for Easy Parenthood in Calcutta wrote in an Indian newspaper last week that the most likely reason behind Modi’s emotional instability was either hunger or lack of sleep. “Being a mother of four, I am among those few scientists who understand how irritable they sometimes become when they have not had a good night’s sleep,” she said.
Some analysts in India allege that Modi’s anger is a result of Pakistan’s foreign policy mistakes in the recent past. Pakistani officials deny the allegation.
A source engaged in back-channel dialogue with India admits that some of Islamabad’s actions may have been inappropriate, but said a team of negotiators had warned New Delhi that anger and bitterness can cause stress and physical ailments.
“We believe Modi should do Yoga,” Bahadur Khan said. “Meditation has been scientifically proven to calm anger, resentment and anxiety.”

The author has a degree in Poetics of Prophetic Discourse and works as a Senior Paradigm Officer.


The author has a degree in Poetics of Prophetic Discourse and works as a Senior Paradigm Officer. He can be contacted at Follow him on Twitter 

ePaper - Nawaiwaqt