Someone asked a Dog, Why don’t you get married? The Dog replied, I am already a Dog. At times the words of wisdom can come from anywhere. I have been trying to find that dog since then with no luck. The Dog can be an excellent subject of research for his insight into the human psychology pertaining to marriage. But it seems that the dog might have landed in the list of “Martyrs”; as our diesel, sorry, “Dear” Moulana Fazl-ur-Rehman tends to believe. But it is said that Marriages are made in heaven (or is it hell?) and the time of one’s Nikkah and Death is already written. By the way, are they both not one and the same thing?
Well on a practical note, everyone should get married, after all happiness is not everything in life. And by the way what has happiness got to do with marriage; that’s totally another ball game which was proved by Professor Yannis Georgellis, Director of the Center for Research in Employment, Skills and Society (CRESS) at Kingston Business School, UK who conducted a research in which 10,000 people were selected between the ages of sixteen and sixty. In the survey participants were asked to rate their happiness before and after their divorce. During a 20 year period researchers found that they were happier and more satisfied with their lives after divorce.
Starting from the beginning of time, Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. Life was perfect. But sadly, that was the only happy couple ever walked on this earth. There will never be another, as it looks.
It is said that you never really know a person until you have divorced him/her.The happy ending to any marriage is certainly Divorce. This aspect is not explored much in our part of the world where a girl is sent by her parents with the groom with an advice that now her funeral should come out of her husband’s home thus leaving her at the mercy of another family. What the girl’s family doesn’t realize is that in majority of the cases the funeral of their daughter is already orchestrated by them. Dying once is easy; dying every day is much more difficult. Ask any couple?
Couples in the west have started celebrating this occasion instead of mourning it. Both wish well of each other and pray for a new happy beginning. Divorce isn’t a time for mourning. It’s a time for celebration. And many now actually toast the whole thing with a divorce party. Simply brilliant!Earlier this year, a London lawyer became the first in the country to sell divorce gift vouchers as presents (the lawyer has become a billionaire) along with suggestions of useful presents to give to someone recently divorced, such as toasters, TVs, sound systems and the like.Could there be anything more beautiful than this.
Here in our country the women and the family go into a mourning phase cursing the girl with her fate. Instead of looking forward to a much more productive and happy life, the lady awaits her final departure from this earth. The family of men goes into another state of hyper flux looking for a new “bhabhi” (as if the ex-one was not enough) for their happily divorced son. For goodness sake, ask the poor soul for once for he might have taken years to get out of one. Out of the frying pan; into the fire.
Then we have a ruthless society which in case of girls considers every divorcee as an “available women”. The moment they step out of their comfort zones, men tend to make double meaning statements thus tormenting the poor soul even more. But this is our national character (if there exists one). But what can one expect from our people who sit on their seats in our cinema halls while the National Anthem is played and immediately jump and start shouting & whistling at the site of school girls singing the anthem? This is the respect we give to our mothers and sisters. Divorcee for us is always an “opportunity”.
To sum it all up, look at the alternatives we have. Staying miserable for the rest of our lives? Hanging on to resentment and regrets? Do we really want to spend the rest of your life in that kind of misery? The answer will certainly be a big “No”. Make the right choice; hanging on to a marriage is not an option. A “Happy Divorce” certainly is.
The writer is a PhD in Information Technology, alumni of King’s College London and a social activist. He has authored two books titled Understanding Telecommunications and Living in the Grave and several research papers.The writer prefers to avoid human interaction and finds peace & happiness being alone, in silence with his own self.