LONDON - Ka-blam! Like a massive pop bazooka, Adele has just blown away the competition at the Brit Awards.
The star took home the three top prizes - artist, song and album of the year - giving her a career total of 12 trophies, just one shy of Robbie Williams’s record of 13.
It was a display of colossal, overwhelming dominance which, to be fair, is an accurate reflection of her place in the music industry. At a time when album sales are in irreversible decline, Adele can still sell millions. No wonder the Brits handed her all the silverware.
Her victory was so inevitable that organisers had to invent an award, songwriter of the year, to give to poor old Ed Sheeran, who otherwise would have gone home empty-handed, despite having spent a quarter of last year at the top of the singles chart.
Maybe next year they should have a separate “Adele of the year” award to give everyone else a fighting chance - like when they arguably get rid of the best contestant in the semi-finals of Bake Off, just to keep things interesting.
In the end, nobody really went home empty-handed, thanks to the Brits’ expanded slate of categories, which saw awards for best pop act and best rap act reinstated after a 16-year absence. In fact, everyone who was nominated alongside Adele for best artist went home with one prize or another.
Ed got his songwriting award, Sam Fender was named best rock act, Dave got the best rap prize and Little Simz won best new artist - bringing her mother onstage alongside her.
“Look at what you’ve done, Mum,” she said, as her Mum buried her head in her hands and shed a few tears. It was a genuinely moving moment - something the ceremony was sorely lacking elsewhere.
While previous Brits have been known for chaos, carnage, stage invasions and just plain weirdness (Geri Halliwell performing between a pair of giant inflatable legs, anyone?) tonight’s show was slick and professional, without any real hint of danger.
Liam Gallagher played his better-than-it-needs-to-be new single Everything’s Electric while wearing John McCririck’s old hat; Ed Sheeran scuzzed up his megahit Bad Habits with a little help from Sheffield rockers Bring Me The Horizon; and Little Simz was effortlessly cool as she performed a medley of Sometimes I Might Be Introvert and Woman, accompanied by actress Emma Corrin, aka Princess Diana in The Crown.
The only drama came at the start of Anne-Marie’s set, where she did a Madonna and fell down a set of steps during the opening bars of her hit Kiss My (Uh-Oh). Ever the professional, she picked herself up, barely missing a note, and threw herself into the choreography with gusto.
“Didn’t need my left ankle anyway,” she tweeted afterwards.
Downing Street must have been on tenterhooks when they heard Dave was performing... His previous performance in 2020 was a powerful political polemic, in which he called Prime Mininster Boris Johnson, “a real racist”.
This year, however, he was in a much more celebratory mood, sharing the mic with Fredo, Ghetts, Meekz, Giggs and a gospel choir on In The Fire - a track which celebrates their elevation from the streets to the top of the charts; without flinching from the harder choices life has presented them with.
It was a fitting celebration of UK rap, which is arguably stronger and more compelling than its US counterpart right now.
What’s more, most of the scene’s biggest stars - including Dave and Little Simz have eschewed major labels to release music on their own, fuelling a renaissance in deeply personal, uncompromising lyrics; and a willingness for musical experimentation.
The big talking point ahead of the ceremony was the eradication, after 45 years, of the best male and female categories - which were combined into single best artist and best international artist prizes.
All the usual suspects said women would be unfairly sidelined. In the end, female winners outnumbered men by a factor of two to one, with Dua Lipa, Olivia Rodrigo and Holly Humberstone picking up major prizes.
That said, the men still vastly outnumbered women on the longlists from which Brits voters choose the eventual winners (full disclosure, I am one of them) - so the industry still has a lot of work to do in nurturing and sustaining the careers of female artists.
Asked about the change to the awards on the red carpet, best new artist nominee Self Esteem said: “It’s crazy to me that it wasn’t already the case.