Dearest Noor! - I did not know that you existed in my world until the unfortunate night of 20th July when I came to know that you have been brutally murdered and beheaded after being held hostage for almost two days. It shook me to my core. I can’t explain the feeling and I cannot fathom how you went through this torture that even as I try to imagine gave me many sleepless nights. You are from my city Noor and yet we never crossed paths. I saw some of your photographs posted by your friends and I saw a pretty face and a gentle and soft soul that made me want to smile. It sounds odd to you, doesn’t it? That seeing your smiling photograph for the first time made me want to smile too and for a moment I forgot that you can no longer smile. Maybe that’s the kind of bright light you spread amongst the people in your life. But then your name that means light speaks for itself; doesn’t it?
Since that day, as I came to know more and more details about your last two days in this world, I feel pain and fear. I feel overwhelming pain as I try to envision the unbearable pain that you experienced. I feel some of your fear too; maybe an ounce of the unthinkable fear that you must have felt; alone and helpless in that room. When I came to know that you jumped from the terrace and tried to run away, I have a vision of a brave girl desperate to live. How desperate you must have been and also maybe hopeful for the first time that you will save yourself. How terrified and hopeless you also would have felt when that gate was closed on you and you were dragged back by that monster. What a scary moment it must have been when the gate to you having a chance to live was closed on you. Forever.
Many people question why you chose to go to that man’s house. I don’t want to say his name Noor; his evil darkness doesn’t deserve to be named. I don’t want to ask you why you chose to go. You were an adult who had all the right in this world to make her own choices right and wrong, like we all do. You did not deserve to die for making the wrong choice, my dearest Noor. You did not know that it was a wrong choice; did you?
We are all hurting for you. We are angry at your behalf. We are mourning your leaving us so soon. We want justice for you!
I saw your family today and they remember you with every breath they take. They are fighting to get justice for you and I believe they will not stop. I heard your siblings and the honest raw pain on their faces, the integrity in their speech re-affirmed my first impression of you. What a lovely family you have and what brave people they are, just like you.
I know that it will hurt you to know that rather than grieving your loss, they have to come on the streets to fight to get you justice. It broke my heart to see them Noor, so I can imagine how much it must be hurting you. I promise you that I stand in spirit along with many others next to them in every moment of this fight
We are forgetful and selfish so some of us are remembering you less as time passes by but I promise you that I remember you every day. I will keep remembering you till your murderer gets the punishment he deserves. There are many of us who have not forgotten you and will fight to get you justice. I promise you, Noor.
I do feel a little scared that you might be forgotten too and go down in history as yet another person who did not get justice. I hope that doesn’t come true. I pray and hope that your light will be the one that will illuminate the end of this dark tunnel of injustice that we walk through.
I am sorry that you had to leave this world the way you did.
Remembering you!
–The writer is a UK-CPCAB (Counselling and Psychotherapy Awarding Body) certified individual and couple psychotherapist based in Islamabad. She can be reached at zaramaqbool@yahoo.com.