Hillary and Trump: Two presidential candidates who love to hate each other, but aren't all that different underneath!

And what do the people of the United States think about them? “We feel like Hillary and Trump are two divorced parents fighting over the custody of the US but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma.”

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are both politically prominent figures across the globe, being the two remaining contestants for the presidentship of the United States of America. She is a diplomatic swot in a pantsuit and, he is a buffoon billionaire. Could these two be any different? Actually, they could.

From their agedness to their greenbacks, their hairpieces to where they live, Hillary and Trump have a startling amount in common. And, if you think about it, it’s even sort of funny. Of all the silliness of this election, what if the real trouble is that Americans’ choice this November, isn’t much of a choice at all?

To lead our thoughts through the highly intersecting Hillary-Donald Venn diagram, let’s just take a little look at their array.

Corresponding Straw-colored Hair:

Each time Hillary has a haircut or dye, it makes the headlines. Clinton, who has objected to media mania over her own hair, took a shot at Trump at a fundraiser: “I feel like we are watching an id — an id with hair.” Don’t just markdown Hillary’s similarly dyed extension with the Trump’s magic hair, about which he, himself, claimed, “I don’t wear a ‘rug’- it’s mine!” avowing Hillary to failed surgeries. Their hair is a great debate!

Democrats in the 90’s:

Everyone knows Hillary was a democrat as a first lady and she continues to be, despite her background as a Republican. She chooses her words very carefully. And whatever Trump says becomes a quote the next day, whatever he says, gets imprinted on the walls of America just like the aftermath of the damage of dinosaur’s fire. Being an anti-Muslim and pro-banning Mexicans, Trump’s America will most likely be returned to being a land of Native Americans, as soon as he gets his hands on the throne. He still claims, “I probably identify as more of a Democrat.”

New Yorkers:

Both Hillary and Trump are more interested in the presidential seat than moving into the Whitehouse. Well, who’d move into a SMALL house when Trump was raised in Queens, and now resides in his modest gold and marble penthouse on Trump Tower’s 66th floor in Manhattan, in order to keep it real? And Hillary, a former New York senator, has already had the taste of the Whitehouse when she was the ‘First Lady’, so she isn’t really dying to see it either. She splits her time in order to stay in touch with ordinary Americans.

However, despite having their roots in the city, both of them are disowned by original New Yorkers.

Old Bag-of-Bones:

Clinton and Trump, clocking in at the ages of 68 and 70, respectively, both fall in the Baby Boomer generation. But both of them try to act really cool around youth. During one of the fundraising events, Clinton was like, “Hey guys, can I have more spicy sauce, still young for it.” In the end, she ended up with severe pneumonia leaving her campaign trail literally on the edge.

Trump, on the other hand, opts for the classic “Get off my lawn, you Mexican Muslims!” – taking the typical racist grandpa approach. Either way, both are entertaining.

“But, real quick, remind me how to delete emails?!”

Disastrous Investors:

The Clintons’ investments in land on the muddy shores of Arkansas – what became known as the Whitewater scandal – were, at best, below-par research and, at worst, very corrupt. And Trump’s casino on the trash-covered shores of the Atlantic seemed specifically engineered to abuse bankruptcy laws. And, yet, one of them still claims to be an expert in the business!

Gold-plated Daughters:

Their daughters are poles apart from them. In addition to setting BFFs goals for rest of the America, they are actually handling businesses better than both of them. Chelsea is on the board of the Clinton Foundation, and Ivanka, being Trump’s favourite of his five kids, works as the Executive Vice President of Development and Acquisitions for the Trump Organization. Good thing she’s Trump’s daughter – that apparently saved her, because, “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” What an atrocious thought coming from a father. Both Chelsea and Ivanka married men from criminal families, serving prison sentences for shady white-collar crimes. Seems like an inheriting similarity.


Both Trump and Hillary have small hands, but only one them is overly concerned about it and hides his hands in public most of the times.

And what do the people of the United States of America think about these less-than-different Presidential candidates? They think: “The Trumpocalypse is upon us. We feel like Hillary and Trump are two divorced parents fighting over the custody of the US but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma.”

The writer is member of staff.

ePaper - Nawaiwaqt