Imran slams Imran, again

Thousands of people gathered near the Parliament building in the federal capital Islamabad to see if anyone had showed up for a rally announced by opposition politician Imran Khan. But they were compelled to stay on, dancing, cheering and clapping as they listened in amusement to a thinly veiled tirade against his own comrades and friends.
The former cricket heartthrob has recently been compared to great American leader Thomas Jefferson, for being seen as a hero despite his moral indiscretions that point to poor decision-making skills and lack of remorse.
“At first we thought he was angry because the organizers had ordered too many chairs,” said one insider. “But then he made the same statements in several interactions with journalists. So we figured he meant it all. Because the chairman has never held an opinion for such a long time consistently before.”
The new series of press statements comes weeks after key leaders of his Tehrik-e-Insaf party unanimously decided that their governance in the troubled Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province should be on top of the list of concerns that they should not address.
The protest movement marks a year since the previous elections, the results of which his party says have been rejected by the masses. “Yes, people were genuinely disappointed when they found out that most if not all of the seats in the national and provincial assemblies were won by politicians,” said one supporter.  “We had no option but to protest.”
The primary target of the enraged politician’s most severe criticism was Imran Khan himself. He accused a television channel of pushing a political agenda and promoting its favorite candidates in last year’s elections using its influence in the society. “Yes, television channels were promoting Imran Khan,” one analyst explained. International reports confirm the notion that his party was given much more air time than its fair share.
Khan was also very critical of his ex-wife’s interest in Pakistan’s politics. “He was clear,” the analyst said. “It is unacceptable to allow certain groups to use foreign funding to produce content that sets the news agenda or shapes public opinion in Pakistan.” Tehrik-e-Insaf workers deny that the statement was aimed at a documentary against US drone attacks on Al Qaeda and Taliban targets in Pakistan’s tribal areas co-produced by Jemima Khan. But experts say Khan was criticizing her using satire, a genre that the people of Pakistan are fully capable of understanding.
Even his most renowned comrades could not escape this scathing criticism. Without naming Asad Umar and Shafqat Mahmood, he condemned their participation in what he calls a foreign-funded program for peace with India. “And he is quite right,” the analyst said. “A party that cannot defeat the PML-N and the PPP can definitely not defeat the BJP in India.”
He went on to regret his entire party’s persistent stance in favor of former chief justice Iftikhar Chaudhry, accusing him of rigging the elections and siding with the PML-N. Party leaders have brushed aside criticism that he did not substantiate the allegations he made.
“Accusations made by a politician, especially in opposition, do not require to be proven in a court,” a veteran lawyer explained. “Holding some papers in your hand and waving them in the air repeatedly during press conferences, or throwing them towards the anchor in television shows, is sufficient in common law for the allegations to be deemed proven.”
Despite this legal defense, Imran Khan understands such a practice can be dangerous for democracy. His most scornful disapproval of blackmail seemed like a condemnation of his rival media mogul, but analysts say he was using satire to apologize for his own mistake of calling everyone who disagrees with his politics a foreign-funded traitor.
Khan was also praised for his sarcastic comments about vulgarity on television. “Most people thought he was criticizing morning shows and news reports with content that violated people’s moral sensibilities,” our analyst said, “but he was actually criticizing them for letting a former playboy go on and on about morality.”
“His public display of religiosity makes me feel like I am in a safe environment,” a non-Muslim supporter of the party told reporters. “I am especially relieved to see how we are now collaborating with sectarian groups in our protest demonstrations. As long as the Shias continue to be the prime target, my community will continue to feel safe.”

 The author has a degree in Poetics of Prophetic Discourse and works as a Senior Paradigm Officer.

Email:harris@nyu.edu

Tweets at:@cyborgasms

The author has a degree in Poetics of Prophetic Discourse and works as a Senior Paradigm Officer. He can be contacted at harris@nyu.edu. Follow him on Twitter 

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